As soon as September rolls around, your kids' behavior turns on a dime. First comes the nagging for new stuff , then the homework procrastination, then the whining about almost everything. Here's how to tame those patience testing tendencies.
Nagging
You need to buy back-to-school gear, but this is ridiculous. The latest iPod, the hot sneakers, the new skinny jeans—every time you turn around your kids are there, begging for stuff. What's up?
Returning to class puts a lot of pressure on kids to fit in, which often means having the right gear. "Nagging about getting it can mean an underlying anxiety about school," says Cathy Guttentag, PhD, assistant professor of pediatrics at the Children's Learning Institute, The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston (UTHealth). "Kids may become overly concerned about what they can control (their clothes) in order to feel more comfortable about what they can't."
Encourage your child to talk about her underlying worries, but also nip the nagging in the bud, or it'll only get worse. Talk to her about what she wants, what you can afford and what contribution (allowance or birthday money, forexample) she's willing to make to get the things she craves most. "Asking kids if they're willing to use their allowance usually gives them pause," says Dr. Guttentag. "Often they'll decide it's not that important. When Mom is paying for it, everything is important." Photo by Shutterstock.
Procrastination
Kids are notorious for creating excuses to avoid the inevitable—like homework. "Ending procrastination comes down to two rules: limits and routines," says organizational expert Peter Walsh, author of It's All Too Much. Have a designated homework spot (say, the kitchen table or the desk in your child's room) and set a regular time when homework will be done each day (right after school or after dinner). And enforce your rules.
Lisa Quinn, author of Life's Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets and mother of two, takes it a step further, breaking down her kids' homework into small chunks. "They get a packet of work on Monday that has to be done by Thursday," she says. "Left to their own, they'll wait until Wednesday to do it." So she helps her 6-year-old come up with goals for when each piece of work will get done. How does she know her strategy will work? "My 9-year-old now goes upstairs every night like clockwork to do her work. We've broken her in," jokes Quinn. Photo by Shutterstock.
Whining
When Barb Dehn of Los Altos, California, has just about had it with her 14-yearold son's whining, she looks at her watch. "I'll say to myself, OK, he needs to vent for a few minutes." Once the time is up, Barb redirects the conversation by asking her son unrelated questions, like, What happened in gym today? Pretty soon, he's caught up in a whole new topic, which cuts down on the whining.
Quinn also uses distraction to end whining. When her kids start in about not wanting to go to school, she helps them focus on the cool stuff: being with friends, taking art class. "It's like giving them hope that something fun will happen at school." Photo by iStockphoto.
