10 Signs Your Marriage Will Last a Lifetime

Marriage can be beautiful, but it can also be difficult at times. And with divorce rates as high as 40 or 50%, according to the American Psychological Association, it's perfectly understandable if you're even the slightest bit worried that you and your spouse may not be destined for forever. But fear not: There are a few expert-backed signs that your marriage will last a lifetime.

It's important to note, however, even if you don't notice these exact signs, there are plenty of other things that can make your marriage work for the long haul. And if you used to see your spouse do certain things or you felt a certain way with him or her that you don't anymore, that doesn't mean it's the end either. "Try to identify what’s going on, and then try to talk to your partner," licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Rachel Sussman, LCSW, tells Woman's Day. Good communication is so important and only one of the many signs your marriage is forever.

Research shows that couples who do new or different things together are happier in the long run.

1. You deeply respect and trust each other.

Respect and trust are crucial to a healthy, long-term marriage, Sussman says. "If there’s a person that you trust and respect, I really think you hold that person to such high esteem." Over time, trust can be worn down by mistakes made throughout the relationship that could cause you to doubt if you trust your spouse. "If you think this person doesn’t have your back, that's not going to last," she says.

2. You have a really good friendship.

You've probably heard that the best relationships stem from friendships, and though you can have a long-lasting, healthy marriage even if you and your spouse didn't begin as friends, have that basis can help, Sussman says. That's not to say that you and your partner need to have everything in common, but it can be important to see life in the same or at least similar way. "People will change as the years go on, so the more you have aligned early on, the greater the probability that those traits can last over time," she adds.

3. You're kind to each other.

Being kind to each other seems almost self-explanatory, but Sussman actually sees a lot of couples in her practice who are mean to each other. A partner accusing the other person of being selfish and self-centered is more common than you think. "Kindness is a really important trait," she says.

Open communication is one of the most important aspects of a long-lasting marriage.

4. You feel like you can openly communicate.

Communication is key to a happy and healthy relationship, as you may know, but there's more to it than just talking things through with your partner. Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Bukky Kolawole believes there are three critical aspects of communication. The first is the ability to feel like you can be really open who you are, what you want, your needs and desires, and that your partner is open to that.

"The second piece I would say is the level of comfort about being able to communicate," she tells Woman's Day. "Being able to trust that when you share and you're open, especially when you're in distress, you're able to send clear signals." And piggybacking off of that, Dr. Bukky says it's important that your partner is responsive to you when you need them to be. "Your partner knows how to come close, how to come offer comfort, knows how to be there for you essentially, so that you can rely on them."

5. You see your partner as your best friend.

Seeing your guy as your person — the one you want to share gossip or funny observations with — is essential, Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, psychotherapists and authors of Building a Love That Lasts, says. "Good couples tend to view their partner as their best friend," Charles says. "Having inside jokes and stories is part of what builds that bond." That's why it's key to share funny anecdotes about your day, even if they're as minor as your coworker freaking out because someone stole her Diet Coke from the communal fridge.

They’re the first person you want to go to when something great happens at work or your shoulder to cry on when you lose a loved one.

6. You don't keep score.

Surprisingly, you don't need to divide everything down the middle to be an amazing couple, Charles J. Orlando, relationship expert and author of The Problem with Women… Is Men, says. "Keeping a score card makes everyone resentful." Yes, you both need to pull your weight around the house, but that doesn't mean it's necessary to count changed diapers or scrubbed pans. "Having a relationship in which both of you can speak honestly if you're feeling overwhelmed, and not just lash out because someone forgot to take out the recycling one night, leads to a much stronger romance."

7. You still surprise one another.

Obviously, major secrets are not okay in a long-term relationship, but keeping little things to yourself — like taking step-dance classes leading up to your cousin's wedding or stocking up on vacation ideas — can boost your bond, Shauna Springer, Ph.D., author of Marriage, for Equals, says. "Overfamiliarity is the enemy of romance, so continuing to engage in some measure of independent growth is critical."

You and your spouse know yourselves and your relationship the best, even if you don’t see these signs, your marriage will last as long as you want it to.

8. You aren't afraid to argue.

Healthy couples know how to push each other's buttons and being able to hash it out is ultimately a lot better than holding everything in. Not only that but also couples who experience a steady level of conflict over the years — as opposed to never fighting at first, then constantly being down each other's throats five years in — are stronger, according to a 2011 study. The trick is not to let resentments fester, Gilda Carle, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of Don't Bet on the Prince, says. "Anger is a perfectly healthy emotion. It's fine to get into it, as long as you both know how to apologize and move on, fast."

9. You believe it will last.

It says right in the wedding vows, everything won't be a walk in the park, but that's easy to overlook in the tulle-and-cake-induced fugue of your big day. In the ensuing years, surviving the tough stuff together is a huge sign you have what it takes to get through anything. A 2011 study found that couples who believe marriage will last forever, no matter what, survive longer than those who don't fully believe in the concept of till death do us part. Yes, the going will get tough but knowing you're both 110% committed to staying the course is essential.

Schedule a weekly or at least monthly date night where you replicate dates you used to go on before you were married or have a simple night at home and cook together.

10. You can relax around each other.

Research shows that couples who do new or different things together — even if it's as simple as a fresh mulching technique — are happier than those who fall into a same-old routines. "In the beginning of a relationship, you're going to new places, you both have some insecurity about how the other person feels, and all of that contributes to the butterflies you feel," psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity, says. "But over time, you relax around each other and can get complacent." You don't need to go bungee jumping but keeping things fun, like singing songs in the car or playing Just Dance as cardio, can help keep apathy from creeping into your relationship.

Additional reporting from Redbook.

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Christy Piña

Digital Fellow

Christy Piña is the digital fellow at WomansDay.com, where she covers women’s issues, lifestyle, and entertainment. When she’s not writing about everything under the sun, she’s probably marathoning her newest streaming obsession, reading fiction, or making brunch plans with her friends. She speaks fluent Spanglish and drinks way too much iced coffee.