How to Improve Your Marriage and Make It Stronger Than Ever

A romantic getaway isn't the only way to reignite the spark in your marriage. Likewise, there are options beyond running to a marriage therapist if you're disagreeing about key issues. If you're wondering how to improve your marriage, there are small things you can do that can have a big impact over time. Certain everyday habits can bring you and your spouse closer, though you might not think of these on your own. Here are 10 surprising tips to bolster your marriage that are too easy not to take.

With sex, aim for quantity over quality.

When spouses don't get busy regularly, they can lose physical connection. Clinical sexologist and marriage therapist Kat Van Kirk, DHS, author of The Married Sex Solution, suggests "removing the expectation of having long, technical lovemaking sessions." Whether it's a quickie in the shower or making out like teenagers before bed, "10 focused minutes can build more intimate moments than many couples have experienced in years," she says. What's more, "this can turn into longer lovemaking sessions."

Write about your fights.

In a study from Northwestern University in Evanston, IL, couples who wrote for seven minutes three times a year about previous marital conflicts from a third-party perspective reported greater relationship satisfaction than those who didn't. Researchers believe it's because the writing group was able to glean new insights about the disagreements or better understand their spouses after they'd reflected about them on their own. Next time you argue with your man, try writing down the details from a neutral standpoint. You might notice something you missed in the heat of the moment.

Writing about your disagreements can be a good way to work through them and analyze what both of you are really expressing.

Hug for 2 minutes and kiss for 30 seconds each day.

"Often, kisses and hugs become mechanical and quick," says marriage and family therapist Kim Blackham. The problem: Those hurried pecks and embraces don't offer the same feel-good benefits longer stretches of physical intimacy do. "Oxytocin, a chemical our bodies release when we touch one another, emotionally connects people," says Blackham. No need to set a timer, says Blackham, but do extend your hugs and kisses longer than you normally would; you'll feel a new sense of connection.

Take a walk together.

If you're trying to decide how you two should handle your daughter's poor report card, hit the pavement. Not only will the fresh air clear your minds but also "the very act of walking in the same direction can help you two feel as though you're on the same team and want the same result," explains Blackham. Physically heading to one place makes you more likely to be mentally in sync; it's like you're standing together instead of confronting each other.

Having a tough conversation can be easier when you get your body moving.

Match up your boozing levels.

Couples who drink together stay together? Yes, according to a study from the University at Buffalo Research Institute on Addictions in Buffalo, NY. Heavy drinker/light drinker pairs had a divorce rate of 50%, whereas spouses who enjoyed alcohol in equal amounts were just 30% likely to divorce. So a disparity in drinking habits is a better predictor of divorce than the drinking itself, probably because they're less likely to fight about their differences. That's not to say you both should get wasted nightly if that's what one of you wants to do, but it's not necessarily a bad idea to grab a glass of wine (or pop a brewski) when your spouse unwinds with a beer.

Sit next to each other at restaurant tables.

You may be inclined to take a seat across from your partner, but "it's a more aggressive stance," says Blackham. After all, it's how you and a prospective employer sit during an interview. Next time you're out, try grabbing a booth or putting separate chairs at a table side by side. Instead of playing footsie under the table, your man can slide an arm around you or touch your knee, while you can whisper in his ear. "It's a friendlier and much more intimate position," Blackham adds.

Take a break from facing each other next time you go out to dinner, and allow yourselves to sit on the same side of the table. The physical closeness could foster more emotional closeness.

Jot down your guy's sweet deeds.

Maybe he filled up your gas tank without you mentioning it was getting low, or brought you flowers for no good reason. Once a day for a week, secretly write down something your man did that touched you. "Many times, especially in long-term relationships, the little things our partners do for us get overlooked, which eventually leads to husbands feeling resentful," says relationship expert and licensed psychotherapist Christina Steinorth-Powell. Keeping a list helps you feel grateful for the daily blessings of marriage, and sharing that list at the end of the week with your spouse makes him feel appreciated.

Schedule rom-com date nights.

You always knew there was a practical purpose to watching Harry and Sally fight; now science confirms it. According to a study from the University of Rochester in Rochester, NY, taking in movies about relationships together, and then discussing them, is just as effective at reducing divorce rates as learning about conflict management and compassion. But surprise! Watching and talking about flicks is better at limiting how much marriage therapy time couples need than formal relationship skill training. It could be because those kinds of films deal with universal couple conflicts and provide an excuse to talk about those issues.

Put your cell phones away.

This advice seems pretty intuitive when you're trying to strengthen your connection with someone, but it bears repeating. Relationship expert Rachel A. Sussman tells Woman's Day that the problem with being plugged into your phone is that "it takes you away from the present moment." And beyond taking you out of the moment, it can come off as seriously disrespectful to your partner, whether or not you intend it to be so. "It creates an illusion that you're not interested in me, you're not interested in what’s going on in the present moment," Sussman says. She recommends having phone-free times of the day or spaces in your house where the electronics aren't allowed.

Take time to put away your phones and see how the conversation blossoms.

Ask each other a provocative question every day.

It doesn't matter what the question is, Sussman says, but asking your partner an interesting question each day is a great way to continually learn more about your partner and understand more of how their mind works. "It forces you to get out of your comfort zone, think something through, talk about it, and explain yourself," Sussman says. "If your partner agrees with you and you have an interesting conversation, that creates intimacy." She says no topic is off-limits, and you can bring up anything from politics to the latest show you're binging together. What's important is to listen and engage with your partner.

Jenna Birch

Jenna is  a freelance journalist, focusing on topics like health, wellness, dating, relationships, beauty, and lifestyle. She's the author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life & Love, a dating guide for modern women trying to navigate today’s complicated romantic landscape.